Be the CHANGE you want to see

I have two neurodiverse sons. Their lived experiences and differences are as unique as them. They both have neurological differences and I believe they are both on the spectrum.

Nico is my oldest and he is what I would consider “classically” autistic. I say that because most people nowadays can recognize he’s autistic based on what they’ve come to understand autism to look like.

Max is my youngest and many people believe he is NOT autistic because of that same understanding and awareness they have when it comes to all-things autism.

For me, I have…

Two sons. Two worlds to navigate. Two lives to protect and nurture every single day. Exciting and exhausting all at once.

I don’t blame anyone for the misconceptions they hold as long as they are open to a shift in mindset; that’s what is needed now more than ever.

The world, at this moment, is still operating through binary dualism. This dualistic thinking that causes people to often ignore nuances and complexities, and instead, categorize everything into simplified, black-and-white concepts.

That’s why I think it’s easy to see Nico as autistic, but not Max.

I struggle talking about Max because I have had so many people, including family, question and side-eye when I say that Max is a “PDAer.” I’m not even going to dive into that right now, but here’s a little homework for you since I will continue to talk a lot about it in my future blogs—start here.

It’s a controversial topic within the autism community and there is still very little research on Pathological Demand Avoidance, but PDA is definitely a neurological difference.

I believe Max, my little “Texas Tornado,” is on the spectrum. Max has so many of the same gifts and displays many of the same behaviors and struggles on a daily basis as Nico, but it still mystifies people because, honestly, Max “talks so well.” That’s the justification I get for why they don’t think he is on the spectrum.

THAT RIGHT THERE is why a day like today—🦋World Autism Awareness Day ♾️—continues to be so crucial! There is still so much misinformation and misunderstanding out there.

To assume that because my son can talk so sophisticatedly and can be so social, he cannot be autistic or neurodiverse is what fuels my fire everyday. This siloed thinking motivates me to continue my fierce advocacy and help dispell myths and misunderstandings whenever I am presented with them.

There is new information coming out everyday on autism and how vastly different neurodiverse experiences can be. I don’t focus so much anymore on autism being a diagnosis as much as I see it as a DIFFERENCE. Yes, it can feel very much like a disability, but it’s also what makes my sons so uniquely different and let’s be real…WE ARE ALL DIFFERENT.

I even said to a friend one day that I felt there were way more people on the spectrum than we realize. And if we just start opening up our eyes and hearts to people who look, sound, behave, and feel things differently we will be so much better off!

There is constant discourse—some heated— when it comes to autism. From what symbol or emoji should represent autism to how it is defined; autism has become such a polarizing topic.

I guess this is a good thing since it’s being talked about, but I feel like we need to stop wasting our energy on all the noise—the “labels” and how to “celebrate” it on social media. What we need to do is just get down to the WORK of being more aware and accepting.

There are people all around you—literally—that are on the spectrum. They may not know it or may not want to share it, but if you pay close attention you will see their NEURODIVERSITY trying to spread its wings.

I will say this: I am autistic.

[Let me pause for a gasp or side-eye from those who know me personally]

Every time I say it, I feel so much more free and SEEN. And if your first thought was disbelief or skepticism, my biggest question to you is—-Why? Ponder that a bit and use this time, as you continue reading, to work on that mindshift.

I know it in my gut that I am. When I look back on my childhood, so many of the behaviors were there and STILL are.

I walked on my tippy toes for years.

I couldn’t wear many fabrics because it felt like I was being eaten alive.

I bit my nails nonstop and I still shake my leg constantly when seated.

I would get overly emotional watching any movie that had even the slightest bit of intensity.

I listened to the same songs over and over again and watched the same movies continuously. It drove my mom crazy when we would go to Blockbuster for our weekend movie picks…lol.

I have a photographic memory, which, for me, means that I literally can visualize every aspect of a memory and describe it to a “T.”

I loved collecting lip glosses and storing them away like precious gems. I still have lip balm, lip gloss, lipstick, lip pots, or lip oil in every drawer and car I drive.

I am a huge rule follower. I don’t take risks. I like predictability and consistency. Nico and I have this in common.

I tend to understand things in a very literal manner, so if someone says something casually to me, I may take it as the ultimate truth. This was tough for my mom because I believed everything she said even if she was feeding me little white lies to distract me. Max, too, is a very literal kiddo.

I get easily overwhelmed when too much information is coming at me at once. It causes me to get very anxious and/or terse unexpectedly.

I feel everything very deeply—my own feelings as well as others around me—so I am extremely empathetic and sensitive. This has been misconstrued for weakness, but I assure you…it is not.

I love affection and touch. My husband says I have “magical hands” because I love scratching his arm and rubbing his back. What’s funny is….my touching him is really more for my benefit than his. It’s the input I seem to constantly be seeking.

And the list goes on and on.

Did my parents know I was autistic? Nope. And because of their lack of understanding, awareness, and education on the subject, they never quite knew how to best support me. I didn’t know how to help them either. They did the best they could with what they had, and, frankly, I think I’m doing just fine.

However, it didn’t mean I lived a charmed life. I struggled a lot and felt so disconnected from others many times in my life. But, I am a very intuitive, strong-willed and determined person (where are my fellow Virgos?? Y’all know what I’m talking about!), so I worked through my struggles quietly in order to always be seen as happy, competent and capable.

Did you know that autism looks very different in girls? This is something we’re trying to understand more about in the autism community.

But enough about me.

My message to you today is this:

Please be more open and pay closer attention. Start today! Read the articles I’ve linked. Talk to an autism parent. Sit your kids down and share more about autism/ASD with them. Teach them to BE KIND. Teach them to not shy away from someone who looks, sounds, or behaves differently.

That’s how you can SUPPORT a day like today.

Break the cycle of misinformation and misunderstanding and continue down a path of self-study and greater awareness.

Now, more than ever before, is the time to get educated! Autism/special needs families are in jeopardy of losing so much that they heavily depend on. That simply CANNOT happen. And don’t even get me started on what is at stake for our education system. None of it is good.

So, on this day and every day after, choose:

-to be kind

-to be informed

-to show empathy

-to include

-to introduce yourself to someone who may be struggling

-to be a friend

-to stand up for and with those who are standing alone

If you do any of these things today—and every day after—I PROMISE YOU…you’ll make the world a much better place.

Be a part of the change you want to see in the world. I’ll be right next to you doing my part for my sons and they will be right next to me doing their part too!