A Mother’s Day?

Women are absolutely remarkable. I mean, they literally create life, and then go onto build a beautiful life for those they love. We have the power and presence of real-life superheroes. And although that may sound cliche or over-stated, it cannot be denied. Women can do it all.

Women are strong. Strength is a relative term, but all women are innately built with it. Some days the lift is light and other days it’s immensely heavy, but we carry it without complaint and many times without gratitude. We show up everyday regardless of exhaustion, sickness, angst, discomfort, or disinterest and do what needs to be done for our family, our career, and every other interest that consumes us because if it isn’t us who will it be? A woman’s life is synonymous with a never-ending To-Do List.

And that’s even before motherhood.

When you become a mother, in whichever way that beautiful honor is bestowed, you are no longer just a phenomenal woman; you are now the most selfless person ever. When you become a mother, your life is forever changed. It’s really no longer your own anymore. Every single day is filled with sacrifice and compromise.

Think about it…how many of us today woke up knowing it was “our” day but immediately thought about what the day was going to look like for every single person around us?

We schedule the brunch or dinner reservations.

We make sure everyone is showered and ready while leaving ourselves mere minutes to do the same.

We buy the gifts for the moms in our life and our husband’s life.

We map out our whole day so that we ensure there is time to celebrate our own mothers, grandmothers, and all the women who have been like mothers to us.

It feels like we end up competing for time on our own day because we recognize and respect the fact that we are part of a grander circle of mothers who must also be celebrated and thanked on this ONE day.

So instead of waking up knowing that the day is what WE make of it—that we will be the ones getting pampered and relieved of all duties—we wake up with the need to ensure everything is perfect and wonderful for those we love.

There is NO ONE more selfless than a mother.

And to my special needs mamas out there like myself…we definitely did not wake up this morning thinking our day would be filled with relaxation and freedom from responsibility.

I woke up with a small pit in my stomach because although I booked brunch at a more relaxed, kid-friendly restaurant, my boys are always unpredictable and high-maintenance. The struggle bus started as soon as it was time to get ready. It was a fight to get one of them dressed. For the other, it was me constantly reminding him to lower his voice and calm his body down so I could get him dressed. It took several extra minutes to pack the bag I must lug around that holds all their special foods since neither of them will eat anything at a restaurant.

I listened to nonstop crying from my little one because he was having anxiety about going somewhere unfamiliar therefore didn’t want to go. I had my other son slowly melting down because I was having trouble connecting his iPad to the hotspot in the car. My little one didn’t get the memo that it was a day to celebrate his mommy because all he whined about was going to the park. He didn’t want to celebrate “Mommy’s Day” because it was “his day.” I managed my husband’s frustration and impatience because he can’t stand when his sons behave poorly and struggle to obey him.

And this was all before we even reached the restaurant for my Mother’s Day brunch.

Of course I wanted to be with my boys today—they made me a mommy after all. I love them beyond measure. They are my true loves in every sense of the word. I wouldn’t trade motherhood in for anything else in this world. But did I secretly wish I could sneak off to a spa or enjoy a trip to a winery with my fellow mom friends today? Absolutely. I don’t think that’s an atypical desire for a mother. We live for our children. We work daily on giving them the best life possible and we do it because they deserve it. We want them to have better and be better.

But…I don’t think it’s wrong to assume we deserve some time away from motherhood every once in awhile. I think it’s healthy to want time away. After all, if we’re not happy and healthy our children won’t be fully happy and healthy.

I know I was not alone today in having to manage expectations for how the day would pan out. Hoping for the best, but expecting a bit less.

I know there are many moms that weren’t even able to enjoy a brunch or lunch or dinner today because the demands that fall on them leave very little time for anything else, even if it was their special day.

I know fellow special needs moms that never ventured out today, unable to celebrate Mother’s Day outside their home, because their children are physically or emotionally unable to be in unfamiliar environments.

I know moms who have lost their own mothers and a day like today is bittersweet. I’m one of these moms. We are enjoying the love of our own children, but also desperately yearning for the love from our own mothers that will never be there again.

I lost my mother close to 30 years ago and yet I wake up every Mother’s Day asking her to send me a sign that she’s near. I wake up wondering how she would be with her grandchildren, what we would be doing together on this day…wishing I didn’t have to traverse through motherhood without her. I spent a few minutes quietly crying in the shower today asking my mom if I was doing a good job. Asking her for help and guidance to make it through another day.

Mother’s Day is unequivocally a symbol of sacrifice, selflessness, longing and unconditional love.

I feel like we mothers need to petition for a Mother’s Day Week so that we can share our time and our love with all the other moms in our life without having to shove it all into one day. We deserve that at the very least.

But until that day comes, I hope that all you mothers out there make it a point to find time for yourselves. Block out all the noise and demands and unrealistic expectations. Say no instead of yes without feeling guilty. Make space for peace, if only for a few minutes. I will always take peace over presents.

Happy Mother’s Day to all you wonderful women warriors out there. I see you. I adore you. I admire you. I am you. 🩷